WOW I can’t believe we are in our 3rd trimester! We are 11 weeks away from our due date!!! AHHHH!!
In just a short time, our lives will be forever changed. It's hard not to feel like you are running out of time at this stage. I sometimes feel like I need to do something crazy (but really, what can a pregnant chick do that is crazy!)
I guess having a baby is crazy enough!! :)
It has finally hit home that this is REALLY happening! She is REALLY coming!
THIS ISN'T A JOKE AND WE BETTER GET OUR SH** TOGETHER!
With me having my 1st child and Ant having his 2nd after 11 years, we really are venturing down a road we have never been on together. I believe everyone when they say it’s a joy and feeling like nothing else. You will never be the same after you have a child. As exciting as that is, I feel a tab bit bad for even thinking and being a little sad that my old life is coming to an end.
Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s for an amazing reason and I couldn’t be happier about that.
I often think that I’m not even an adult, even though I’m married, 30 years old and own a house. But for whatever reason, being pregnant and getting ready to have a daughter of my own, I can finally say I feel like an adult and I have grown up. It's no longer about me. It truly is all about my family, husband and our girls. There is something very empowering in saying that.
I mentioned in one of my early blogs about being a hot mess and that I no longer feel like my put-together self that I was. I now feel like I’m a hormonal hot mess. Getting to the end of pregnancy and the reality of it all has made me think about life in such a different way.
Maybe that is part of becoming a parent??
Our older daughter, Hannah, asked me the other day how she thought our relationship was going to change once Gracie got here. I suddenly felt like I was going to cry because she posed a question that I have been thinking about for a while.
How WILL it change??
Will our relationship change for the better? How will I juggle being a mom to a newborn and a part time mom to an 11 year old? Will I be good at this?
All of those questions have crossed my mind, but were never said out loud until Hannah asks her question. She told me she was very nervous about Gracie coming; she expressed that she feels like everything will be different now. I will be Gracie’s real mom and I’m just her step mom. For a moment I couldn’t even argue with her.
At this point in the conversation I was fully crying and just wanted to hold her and find a way to erase her fears. All I could come up with was to say is that I love her more than she will ever know! I love her for the joy that she brings to my life and that she isn’t just my stepdaughter. I feel and believe and consider her and call her my daughter. There isn’t a separation in my eyes between her and Gracie. She is just as important to me as Gracie will be and I love them both the same.
It was such an eye opening moment and finally made me think and face my fears.
I'm starting to feel like a real mom and I don’t have all the answers. I know I will make a million mistakes but all I know is I will always protect our girls and love them through everything life throws our way.